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Why A Kiss Is Enough

10 Mar

A young loving couple hugging and kissing on the beach at sunset. Two lovers, man and woman barefoot near the water. Summer in love

With the release of my latest novella, SECOND GLANCE, some folks have noticed that I don’t tend to let my characters go too far (if at all) past kissing. Then they read my blog (especially that Morning Sex post) and decide I must be a prude. While that makes me laugh hysterically (and my husband gets a GIANT kick out of it), I’ve decided to reveal the reason behind my choice and explain here why kissing is such a big deal to me (and, by extension, my characters).

I am a sex abuse survivor. Doesn’t make me special – at least a quarter of the women in this country can (sadly) say the same thing. My husband and I were married for seven years before I voluntarily, spontaneously initiated a kiss between us.

Our son was five, our daughter nearly two. Over a year earlier, I’d seen our precious littles playing in the living room floor and been surprised by the thought, “They’re depending on me to teach them how to live. They need me to be healthy.” I knew I wasn’t healthy, mentally and spiritually, regarding physical love but I’d gotten by and had no intention of upsetting the applecart until that breathless moment when I understood that these little beings didn’t need to be affected by my past.

They were free of it.

And I wondered if I could be, too.

So, I embarked on a journey to deal with “the shit” as my husband and I came to call it. I apologize for the vulgarity. If ever there is a time to use a vulgar word as a descriptor, my past experience seemed to be it.

Fast forward nearly two excruciating/exhilarating years later, and I found myself walking through our breakfast room right through the space in which I’d stood contemplating my children’s need for a healthy mom. As I glanced across the room and into the kitchen at my husband, a strange feeling overwhelmed me. I couldn’t puzzle it out at first. I knew part of it to be love. I was feeling love for that man. But it took me several seconds to realize I had a God’s honest desire to kiss him because I loved him. I’d never had that!

I’d been standing there staring at him as I puzzled this out, which drew his attention. He turned his face toward me. “What?” he asked.

I walked over to him, tilted my face up to his, stood on my tiptoes, and kissed him. I’ll hold to decorum and just say here that we’ve been married nearly 12 years and we both remember that kiss.

Kissing is the most emotionally intimate of all physical acts. It is the hardest to ignore when it’s happening (trust me, I know) – much harder to divorce your brain from than sex. A kiss allows another human being into the space of your life from which you speak – and speaking is how everything came to be in the first place. Your mouth is both powerful and vulnerable, giving and receiving, all at the same time. A kiss says a million feelings and thoughts without uttering a spoken word.

I’ve kissed wrong. I’ve kissed right.

Done as it was intended by the Creator, kissing is powerful. It is definitely powerful enough for my characters to convey the depth of emotion and story needed to sweep a reader off her feet.

You know what I don’t find powerful? When two characters who met five milliseconds ago kiss for the first time and somehow that’s an immediate assumption that sex is wanted/needed/necessary/wise. With all the sex on tv and in films and books, I think the shock factor for writers today lies in revealing a kiss for what it genuinely was meant to be, and is.

Having worked very hard and finally come into the experiential knowledge of the power of kissing. I wish we writers could start giving the act its proper due.

So, I do.

 

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12 Comments

Posted by on March 10, 2016 in The Misc Bucket

 

12 responses to “Why A Kiss Is Enough

  1. Meredith

    March 10, 2016 at 10:59 am

    Reblogged this on Meredith's Reveries and commented:
    Rebeca knows the truth.

     
    • Rebeca Seitz

      March 10, 2016 at 11:03 am

      Thanks, Meredith!

       
  2. sparksofember

    March 10, 2016 at 1:58 pm

    So true. That’s part of the reason I’ve taken to watching Asian tv dramas over American tv. Newer dramas are starting to push it but many of the dramas don’t have a kiss until the very end, if at all. But it makes the story about the relationship instead of the physical attraction – about what characteristics make the two people so perfect for each other. Instead of kisses (and more), the viewer gets to savor the lesser intimacies – dropping honorifics in each others names, any slight brush of the hand, etc.

     
    • Rebeca Seitz

      March 10, 2016 at 2:39 pm

      I didn’t know that about Asian dramas! Thanks for sharing. I’ll be looking into that. I, too, miss the shows where relationships were built over subtle references, slight touches – even word choices held great meaning.

       
  3. victorialeetaylor

    March 10, 2016 at 4:57 pm

    Thank you Rebeca for sharing this. I’ve reshared it too. Good job. So important.

     
    • Rebeca Seitz

      March 10, 2016 at 5:47 pm

      You’re welcome. Thank YOU for sharing it!

       
  4. Linda Rodante

    March 10, 2016 at 5:02 pm

    Congratulations on your stance, being vulnerable and your insight into the sexual mores of our society–as well as what a kiss can be! My characters also don’t go beyond a kiss. Sometimes I show them fighting to stay pure, but that is natural (I feel). But doing it God’s way–waiting to have sex until marriage would save us all from the molestation, sexual abuse, and sex trafficking that is so rampant in our society today. I praise God for you!

     
  5. Linda Rodante

    March 10, 2016 at 5:04 pm

    Reblogged this on Writing for God, Fighting Human Trafficking and commented:
    Praising God for Rebeca’s wisdom!

     
  6. Rebeca Seitz

    March 10, 2016 at 5:47 pm

    Thanks so much, Linda!

     
  7. Gail Johnson

    March 10, 2016 at 9:48 pm

    Thank you. So true. A kiss is the most precious heart-felt thing you can share with another person.And the hardest to do when you are unable to share.

     
    • Rebeca Seitz

      March 11, 2016 at 10:41 am

      You’re welcome, Gail. You are absolutely right.

       
  8. heather choate davis

    May 18, 2016 at 12:09 pm

    I never saw this until today. Beautiful. Thanks for you courage, your heart, and your gifts.

     

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